I have some great conversations with my parents, and since we all only exist for a blink in the lifetime of the universe, I feel the need to record them once in a while.

We were having a conversation this evening about many things. My brother has got a bunch of exams starting this week, and my mum wanted to contact him over the internet or phone to see how he is doing. But me and my dad pointed out that would probably make him worse. Its a strange concept really, but peoples sympathy is not always wanted. Sometimes it makes us feel as those empathetic individuals are questioning our ability to handle or do whatever it is we are trying to do, when really all we want is them to put their faith in us. Some people, however, are not always as competant as they believe themselves to be, and my brother is one of these people. From experience, we know that he will be dead set in his mind about how he is going to do something, but, much like our dad, it may not always be the best, and sadly he won't accept any advice or help. My dad has, in his words, mellowed with age, and so is now both more open to suggestions and other perspectives, and is a great deal more tolerant.

My mum was not sure what she would say to my brother, knowing that it would likely grate on his nerves somehow in a strange way which most of the things my parents do to my brother. I have been reading "How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes (GREAT book by the way) as part of my mass self-improvement program (which is likely to last for a long time), and a technique in there addresses the lingo used when dealing with different groups of people. By using the correct words, you can appear to be an insider, or atleast on the same wavelength of the people in question, thereby allowing you to both relate to them better and gain rapport with them. This conversation made me think of this, because by asking my brother how he is doing, it will make him worse because it would reinforce the self doubt and raise further internal questions and conflicts that we all experience in times of challenge where adrenaline runs riot in our veins. Saying "good luck" obviously comes from good intentions, but this, like asking him how he is, is not going to help. The exact wording needs to be perfect as to imply the correct message. Something like "Do as well as you can" removes the expectation that comes from other statements, lacks the questioning of his abilities, and puts across the message that all he has to do is try his best. Now, obviously since he is doing physics as university, his best may not be good enough, as mine is indeed not for A level physics, but nonetheless it is all we can say that will help, for we are not there at university with him, and he is the one who will be taking the exam. I admit, too, that I often feel annoyed. Writing or explaining things like this always make one question ones own innocent or purity.

This is something else that I address. Maybe 4 or 5 years ago, my brother started talking to me, as he regularly did, and still does, about things on his mind. One such thing was how our parents had certain habits or did certain things which really annoyed him. For some reason, I don't know if its human nature or what, but I tend to subconciously copy the mannerisms of people I am around for long periods of time. For instance, I say a number of phrases my dad uses, and have certain set responses to questions. When I realise, it is possible to change these, but I often don't. Anyway, my brother started pointing these habits out, and after a while, I started to copy his behaviour, and found these things annoying too. This went on for a year or so, and grew to such a point which almost everything my dad did grated on my nerves and I started to hate being in his presence. Then one day, after hearing about various situations from others of disliking family members for manifold reasons, I had a sudden shift in thinking. I decided to think logically, deepy and diversely about everything, I thought about the kindness or intent behind certain actions, the justification that one creates for oneself when performing an action that is wrong is immoral, what it must be like to live in different conditions or circumstances, and most importantly I started to see things from other peoples perspectives. Everytime my mum or dad did something, I initially met it with distaste, but thought about it afterwards. I put myself in their shoes, and asked myself WHY i would do that. I would often get irritated by my mum talking me while I was playing a game on the computer, distracting me. But she needed to know something, such as what I wanted for dinner, or if she could put some socks away, and fundamentally they were all things with my wellbeing in their interests. The same went for my dad, the habits and routines he had formed with age, the repetitive questions he asks me, they are all so that he can create plans and schedules around me and my brother, sort of allowing us to be spoilt and unknowingly selfish.

My parents then pointed out that was what has allowed me to communicate better with people, and that my brother still needs to mentally mature, as he has not yet adopted this, and lives in his own little world to some extent. Don't get me wrong, hes still considerate and nice, but sometimes he just doesn't think. Maybe he'll pick it up in time like my dad.

In the same way, in "Fear - The Friend of Exceptional People" by Geoff Thompson, Geoff makes a point about avoiding people who feel it is their duty to remind you when you are getting above your station in life, or worry mongerers who feel the need to remind of the trouble you are in. While best to seek the encourage from those you know from experience will say the correct, positive things you need, the others. But in doing so, don't discount the others, see it from their point of view, for they are only trying to help. Unless they are jealous, in which case you need ot reassure them that you will still need them.

So, to anyone who is reading this, next time someone does something that crosses you in someway, try to see it from their point of view, ask yourself why they are doing whatever it is they are doing. You shall see who is truly at fault, and be a better person for it. In your mind, you will prioritise things better, and morality will follow. That is, assuming you aren't a heartless and selfish. Thanks for reading.